Sometimes I’m scared to put it all out there for fear of what others will think of me. It is a vicious cycle I find myself in, I recently read that being vulnerable and real is where true transformation takes place. I am slowly adapting and have to say there is truth in that statement. I sometimes think I will wait and share that part of my story when it is all over and I can wrap my story up in a tidy bow. What I am learning is that I sometimes miss the mark with this way of thinking.
I caught the end of a radio program last week on budgeting and this was the part I heard, our primary focus should be on budgeting our time not our money because we can always get more money but we can not get more time. I have thought over this for the last few days and been reminded of it frequently. Many of you know our story, we sold our home last spring and started a journey that we could not for see the future in. We weren’t exactly sure where we were going to live, what we were going to do with the rest of our lives. We just knew we needed a change of scenery. Sitting here 17 months later, all I can say is wow God! We have been pushed and pulled more in the last year that I could have ever imagined. I have learned so much about myself, my family has gotten stronger. My marriage is the most beautiful picture of love and adoration that you could imagine, I recently told Allen I would go through every trial again just to feel the immense love I have for him all over again. Our home is almost finished, as we close the chapter on the camper life I cant help but miss it a little. I thought is would never, ever, ever say that, but it changed my life. I realize what I had previously taken for granted in life and how little I really need to get by.
All of that being said, we still struggle. We have the perfect life except for that one little factor. MONEY! It seems to loom its head in our face and at our every turn. While this is a vulnerable subject to talk about, I’m going for it. I honestly thought I was alone in this, but as I sat amongst friends and family this weekend I realized that I am far from alone, it seems we all need more money. And, I’m not talking like vacation money, I’m talking like dinner on the table, roof over the head; necessity money.
So, as this has been a pressing issue in my life for the past 5 years or so, here is what I have learned and what is changing my life in this very moment. God will provide and meet every need, the part that we all must realize is that his plan is different from our tidy little plan. On Sunday, I heard this statement which only confirmed more of what I am learning. If you are walking with the Lord, you will have conflict. If you don’t have any conflict then you might need to check who you are walking with. It should come at no surprise that my relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit has intensified over that last few years. I needed God, when there were times that we could not pay our house payment, I needed God. When all of the effort and hard work was put forth and we still came up short, I had to have God. When I had to learn to budget, it was always a running joke in my family that Allen would never get me to stop spending. Well after years of trying the tables have turned on him. (ha) We both needed God! 😉
I am very grateful for every hardship because it has brought me to this exact place. I had to find contentment in my struggle, I have to exercise my faith with real action. I can not just say the words, I have to put them into action. And while I am walking in the midst of this struggle, I gain every ounce of my strength from God knowing that He sees me and meets my every need. Stop stressing and start living, don’t let your circumstances define you. Look around at all that you do have not what you don’t have, write them down and thank God everyday.
For me, I have my health, healthy children, a roof over my head, a faithful husband, a giant large crazy loud extended family as well as amazing friendships, and most importantly a relationship with our heavenly father. More money can not replace any of these things. I however can budget my time accordingly so I can grow and nourish the things that God has blessed me with. I will leave the provision to God, I will enjoy his blessings. Why would I ever let the one shortcoming in my life take over so much of my thoughts. Let God do his part and you do yours. Utilize your faith in a real way and never forget that God sees you, he loves you and he has the very best in store for you.
Live for today as though it is your last, love Jesus, love the people God has blessed you with and for crying out loud live out your faith. Leave your worries to God, don’t let them rob you of one more second of joy!
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10