“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” Psalm 18:19
He rescued me because he delighted in me, most importantly the “he” in this verse is God. He delighted in me, I have a hard time embracing that, I am so very hard on myself. At the age of 38, I still look in the mirror and say things to myself that are just weird. I pick apart my flaws, I have gray hairs that seem to spring up daily, I have battled hormonal acne for the last 10 years, a few weird lines are appearing on my face that seem to grow deeper and larger. So, I have to be very intentional when I look in the mirror not to only see those things about myself. I have to remind myself that I am beautiful and God created me just the way he wants me, and the same goes for you too. I have obviously made a few choices to alter those things, but none the less he sees me as a delight.
If we back up there, it says “he rescued me because he delighted in me”. I needed rescuing far more than I care to admit. I honestly didn’t even realize it. I found myself in a life that was unsustainable in every way, emotionally, financially, physically and any other ly word you can think of! For far too long I had been living life on my terms and only taking God’s word as a suggestion. I would pray to God and then if I didn’t like what he had to say then I would just blow him off. I didn’t like the person that I had become, I was a fussy mom, a bitter wife and an impulsive friend. I was so selfish, and could only see the world through the lens of what I wanted it to look like. I wanted my life to look successful as though I had something to prove to the world, the only problem is that my way didn’t work. Had I not had almost every single thing stripped away from it, I might still be living the charade out. However, God loves me more than that therefore he rescued me.
My rescuing did not resemble a beautiful scene like you may imagine, it was often times very hard. However, it brought me to the most beautiful place which happens to be quite spacious as the verse stated. 😉 It involved many nights of worry and fear, which I learned to let go. It involved letting go of the control of my life and my family. It involved putting down every preconceived idea that I have ever entertained. It involved a selfless life, learning to never put myself first has been one of the grandest lessons in humility that you can imagine. It involved moving out of our home we thought we would live in forever and moving into my parent’s basement to then move into a camper for a year. All of those uncomfortable situations led me to today, which is something I can now say was all worth it. God totally rearranged our whole life, set our feet on a new solid surface. I embrace my duties as a mother, teacher, wife, co-worker, and most importantly a child of God. I don’t ever pity myself, I have done without many things and have come to realize that they were just things that I don’t really need to survive. Well, except for a dishwasher, that one is pretty epic. One thing that got us through that time was our marriage, we would often say I would rather have the happiness that we have between us than all the other stuff. God strengthened us in our weakness, he carried us when we didn’t think we could face another day.
What I have come to realize is that I was not living in God’s will for my life, I was living in my own will. Where are you today in the process of life? Are you really happy? Do you dread the days ahead? If you do, maybe you should stop and really see where you want your life to go and how it should be done? God is so real, I am living proof. What the devil meant to destroy us, has made us into an unstoppable force for the kingdom of God and the best part of our story is that we are in the very beginning of it.
If you would have said to our newlywed 23 year old selves that we would begin life again anew at 38, we would have not believed it. We were too full of ourselves and our chase at being successful. Once we found the real meaning of success in our lives, which we by the way are still discovering we found a peace that literally surpasses all understanding. God has given us a peace that only he can give, our life is not perfect according to the worlds standards. However, that is no longer the key to how we measure our life. God delights in you just as he does us. He has major plans for your future, make one step toward him and he will handle the rest. It might not be pretty, but it will be worth it.
I hope to begin getting back in the habit of sharing the things that I have learned lately, and going forward in faith. I will focus on the new, transforming things going on in our lives in hopes to encourage you and spur you forward in your own faith.